uncertain

the future may bring many things
a cracked egg here
a broken glass there
a trip and fall
a bleeding heart and ache
no one knows what may come
i am uncertain of it all
dare i venture out to see it through
or shall i stay back and let the chance pass me by
i don't know what to do
what to say to make it right
what actions i must make
what leaps i must take
i am uncertain of it all
i am scared but i must make a choice
before it's too late

slip

fate has brought us together
i wonder why they did
there are so many others out there
but out of all of them
the fates have brought me you
everything happens for a reason
i don't know why this did
there is nothing between us
no influence at all
so why did i meet you
or was it all a slip of the thread

meaningless

i try to talk
but you just walk away
nothing i say
makes you happy
you ignore me
avoid me like the plague
how am i going to make this work
when you stay away
i've tried many times
you never tried at all
but this one time
i might just stop
where would that lead
where will we end up
is there nothing left of this relationship
where my efforts are meaningless
or is there no longer one

regret

i regret the day i met you
how you came into my life
at first it was all right
everything going smoothly
no bumpy roads along the way
but with time like all else
you changed
you are no longer who i thought you were
there are no connections between us
no ways of communication
no way of sharing anything at all
how are we to continue our relationship
when nothing goes on between
shall i give into the silence
or give up what we had

i can feel her unshed tears wash over me
she holds it back
but i can see them roll off her cheeks
the way her voice trembles
and how her lower lips quivers
her heart rate increasing
and grows louder with each beat
i can't bear to see her suffer
but i cannot say anything to help at all

disappointed

i did what you wanted
but where are you to collect
i wasted my time for you
i wasted my time on unproductive things
countless of hours gone to waste
i can't get back my time
to do what i need
not what you want
i should have spoken up
but i didn't want to disappoint you
but i instead was disappointed by you

never fade

praise should be kept for important moments
it brings good self esteem to one
but brings bad self esteem to all
broken spirits cannot be healed
not with time
not with all the care in the world
memories never fade
neither can broken hearts

you changed the way i see the sky
the luminescence of the stars
shine brightly in my eyes
the clouds that drift
change shape with time
the cumulonimbus forming above my head
precipitation freezing before it falls
crashing down to earth
melting before they hit below
or pooling around my toes as i walk
up and down
close and far
the sky tells all
no matter where you go
i wish to capture its beauty
but i know it isn't possible
beauty like that cannot be captured
it changes constantly
like how you changed me

a seconds notice

you charged
i ran for the curb
you gave me no warning until the last second
trouble is someone blocked my path
you almost ran me over
there are too many obstacles to overcome
my blood pumps
my heart races
i hit the curb and watch you charge away
my heart will not be still
you left me frustrated upset scared
with only a seconds notice

hold it tight

clutch it tight in your hand
don't let it go
try not to let it escape
its love will only last a lifetime
a little short of an eternity
hold it close to your heart
to show that you care
it may struggle in your arms
it hates control
but you need it
want it
yearn it
hold it close to your heart
never let it go
because it might escape
and you'll never find true love again

the bus

squeezed up, squeezed down
side to side and all around
no one cares where you go
because you are too small
to protest the cruel flesh upon your weak bones
never waning never gaining
never a single moment to yourself
pushes to the side pulled to the back
you can't fight that
your weak frame can only handle so much pressure
fighting back is not one of them
nails bared eyes flared
that makes no difference
a boot to the butt and you're out of there
squashed down flattened up
frail arms can't push back
flesh nothing but flab can't withhold the pressure
support your own and your stuff is enough
hold tight struggle through
you'll get off at your stop no matter what they do

lady luck

the stuff i want will never be
the stuff i need will always be out of reach
lady luck is never on my side
she hovers over others' shoulders
but never mine
how i envy those with her by their side
i wish to grab her
capture her
make her listen to my whims
but i know that is never right
nor do i have the ability to capture you
or to make you listen to my demands
how i envy those who she helps
luck granted on a whim
i wonder when she'll be by my side
but the chances seem to be slim

a prayer

i pray that you will not leave me
alone in the darkness
isolated from the light that you bring
with your dazzling smile and your cunning words
i fear that i will abuse your kindness
your laughter your light
i want you to stay with me
to help me overcome this creeping darkness
within the chambers of my heart
i like it when you watch over me
guide me away from isolation
by my own hand
life has given me you
and i will hold you to me
with what power i have
without you i would be unable to see the light
without you i will be unable to love again

your sufferings

i run my fingers through your thistles
i feel the pain of your fingers cutting through mine
the pokes and scratches i care not for
but for me to show you i care
everything needs touch no matter what you believe
you may be hurting me
but i am definitely helping you
my pain is nothing compared to yours

your words

i hear your words
but they do not transcribe in my mind
what you are spewing denounces all i know and hold dear
i hear your words
but they mean nothing to me
you say i don't have an open mind
but i can say the same for you
we are humans therefore we are bias
no matter what you may believe
i care not

i should

i want you to want me
to need me to love me
but i don't want to beg you
because then you will not appreciate me
you probably will never see me
but i don't want to give up
but i can see your eyes looking elsewhere
i should let you go
because i can never change your heart
i will get through it
i did get through it
there will probably be more like you
until i find one just for me

uncertainty

you come into a room
you look around
everyone is minding their own business
or chatting with a friend
not one is willing to notice
the big white elephant in the middle of the room
you stare at the primates
you stare at the elephant
what are you to do?
do you become one with the primates
or do you befriend the elephant?
be an outcast or a savior?
what will you decide?

why me?

why must you open yourself to me
i who have known you less than others
they say i am easy to talk to
that my immature self
attracts all the emotional ones
and they open themselves to me
not others who have known them forever
but me a mind disease
they have never seen my face
or heard my voice
they can only read my words
i say that i am a rug
this is what attracts them the most
they can walk all over me
then can dump their garbage on me
sweep it under anything
and i will take it all
but i don't wish to be an attraction
i want to have fun without worrying
without being dumped upon
but that will never be
because i'll always be me

by me

i can't bear to tell you the truth
it's not that i don't want to
it's because i can't
i fear if i tell you all
you will run away from me
never speak to me again
and i can't bear that
it frightens me that if i open up
you will close up
disappear from my sight
never to be heard or seen again
by me

there are many things i wish to tell you
things you may have never dreamed of
never thought of
never spoke of
how i wish to tell you but you are not ready
not ready to burst through the soil with your magnificent

but with time and care you will
but not now, you are not ready
when your blossom blooms
then i will tell you
and hope you will not turn away from me
by my words

who am i to tell you what to do

who am i to tell you what to do
everyone makes their own decisions
everyone does not exclude you
all humans have a choice
it is the others who want control
who beat you into submission
never doubt your own decisions
outcome be damned
who gives a shit about what other people say
listen to your own heart
don't ask me to decide for you
i only know so much
but for you life you know much more
who am i to tell you what to do
i am not the all wise knowing
i don't know any big words
or psychedelic talk
or any great phrases that influence your mind
i do not wish to be a mind disease
you may adapt my quirky words
or no nonsense noises
but that does not mean i can order you
am i that important to your life
even though i have known you less than others
i may make you laugh
i can definitely make you cry
but i never want to hurt you
to make decisions for you
that is just too much for me
i don't think i want that kind of responsibility
or deal with the consequences
who am i to tell you what to do

knowing....

society is ruled by the media
what you see there is what you do
how you react what to eat what not to
what to stare at what to want
what to want to need
the skimpier the better
the colder the hotter
skin showing
belly breast butt
nothing matters
as long as you are wanted by somebody
anybody who sees you as beautiful
to want you need you use you
if everyone knew everything
they would fear anything
too scared to venture out of their domain
brainwashed shocked mislead
technology is the key to the world
making humans more lazy
predicting the future no need to do anything
just waiting not finding self
searching for a purpose finding none
who are we to believe
who do we want to believe
who do we need to believe in
people forget we do not control our lives
mother nature and lady luck do

geological time

you told me that you loved me
my heart subducted
my lungs solidified
i feel explosive as if i were on top of a hot spot
i could not speak
the ground shook beneath me
the mantle moving, an earthquake forming
i could not breathe
we only met for an hour
an hour is a century of time
geological time, nothing so small can last long
but to me time had stopped
not one thing moved not one organism virus bacteria
i wanted to preserve this moment
in tree sap
so it is clear and beautiful
it will last forever
until a severe calamity befalls the earth
the solidification cracks erodes
time moves again
glaciers dissolving around everyone
wind directions change
organism reproduce divide
i have yet to give my answer
there is too much pressure
the plates shift stress is building
my lungs heart collide pushing at my sternum
what am i to say to you
we are only a dot on geological time
insignificant but to my heart you are so much more
you transform my mental state
the shear force of it pushes me off my axis
what am i to do
you cannot wait forever
we live we die we go extinct
asteroids meteors jolt the earth
i am pulled out of my revere
i give you my answer
i do not know
my love is just a theory not a law
not yet complete and believed by all
i do not want to hurt you
make you collapse collide with conflict
disorder entropy surrounds us
with time i may give you a definite answer
but not all things are definite
not all life is complete
we are still evolving
we have yet to discover everything life the earth has to give
with time we may come to understand
or we will just be a dot on the map of life
according to geological time